not understanding, but adopting the complexity of communication

A communication, or a conversation, is a way of interaction between people by using various types of expressions in order to not only represent one’s feelings or thoughts, but also get a better understanding of the other’s ones. More importantly, we should take care of both contents of the talk and methodology of the exchanging the words. It is always hard for me. I do not understand what should be the best way to say what I am thinking about. But it is obviously true that listening is always harder than speaking. This is the first point where the complexity of communication comes in. Somebody wants to let others knows what s/he thinks or feels now. Or the other one never talks about anything about her/him, so that nobody knows who s/he is. This asymmetry of information makes a kind of distortion, not only in the physical part of the conversation, but also the chain of emotions that has been shared between the communication players. This is the second point of the complexity. It may come from the original idiosyncrasy that differs from one another, or just a technical failure at a specific point in the interacting work. Anyhow, result does not always require a causality when it is an  emotional interruption. The important is that, it just happens. How to solve it? Well, no need to solve it, actually. If one encounters a break-down of feeling toward to somebody when talking with her/him, it should be accepted as a fact, but it is not necessarily needed to be resolved or mended immediately. A consideration on how to treat a typical emotional problem should be started from the fact that the involved person perceives. It is hard for me as well, because emotional feeling cannot be always perfectly controlled by a rational reasoning.

I think that this is transition period of some relationships that I have. I call her A, whom I occasionally think about, who is becoming relatively more important person in my life in some extent. I do not think that she will be able to directly intervene any part of my life, and with the high probability she and I may not be able to communicate periodically no longer in a near future. We are not a close friends. I just met her once. But when I try to talk to her (with high level of 용기) and to understand who she is, the conversation gives me a lot of happiness, energy, inspiration, and sometimes heartbeat. For many times we exchanged a word “thank you”. This means a lot to me. It is not important to wonder if she thinks the same. It must be an interesting question, but it is not necessarily or desperately wanted.

B, called by my autocrat naming policy, is an example of negative one. I thought she and I have communicated for somewhat long time. (At least longer than A, in dimensions of the amount of time we spent and things we shared) Of course we are bound by physical limitations, but in the same environment my disappointment on the relationship between us has been getting bigger. Although an understanding one’s philosophy or characteristic is not identical with the understanding of the level of difficulty of the communication with the one, I am feeling that I am less interested in her because I have consistently failed to understand the revelation of her identity through her expression in the communication. Defining relationship before proceeding it is the poorest thing ever. But I am afraid of advancing to the next level, because I already see some limitations in the sharing process between her and I. She maybe a good friend, if the appropriate level of distance is kept, even though this is totally another question.

Solution? Still not existing. I just adopt the facts, and will see what happens. I let the things flow as they do, and will accept the results of them, because I cannot control some parts of the processes intentionally and know that the unnatural force will create bigger potential problems.

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