Last night, after having a daily mass on the evening, K and I were sitting on a bumpy chair with trembling table in the food court we usually go to, waiting for our Vietnamese foods. K was talking about a Korean TV show, named “짝”, which I’d never watched before. According to her, the reality program is a story about men and women who seek the right person for their future, so that they make every kind of ways to seduce the desired person, only limited to hiding their names. I was thinking the idea that making names anonymous (but still exposing most of their background information, such as wealth, education, occupation, and appearance) is ridiculous and useless. K stressed a couple in the show that she was recently impressed. The most impressive to K was that, the couple, combined a men, who was half Korean and half Japanese, and a women, who was raised in Australia after her family immigrated to the island, was never affected by the other guys, eyeing each other, concentrating each other, and making a progress without any hesitation. They thought they finally met the right person. The right future spouse. But finally they took a part, leaving crying and torn hearts. They so liked to get together, but they couldn’t. The men wanted to live in Korea while the women longed to comeback to her citizenship country, Aussie island, and make a family there. The guy had never experienced a complete, and warm-aired family, while the lady had enjoyed full of happiness given from her family side. They are different. But they were so eager to be with each other. Finally, they could not overcome the differences.
K’s question was drawn.
What was the most important thing should we get before starting the new relationship? What if we are at the right age of marriage so that we are somewhat concerned with the big change in our life? Physical consideration, or just a fact that we have a person whom we love, and want to be with? It would be so costly and regretful if we have to take apart only because of that kind of physical reasons, such like different place of background or different culture of the family. We all are different. And a relationship, a marriage, and living together is a process of finding a common part, making oneself be similar to the other, and thus finally be the one. But, I pointed that, the couple K mentioned, would meet again if they fail to persuade themselves and have a new courage to overcome the issue. Love, is sometimes very materialized thing, but sometimes not.
I was thinking of that, too, when I was 20, or 21. Now, I am increasingly worried about those things that you hate. I am afraid of meeting a person whom I do not know before, not only because I do not want to throw myself into the risky situation, but also I am a little bit tired of making myself fitted to the uncomfortable surroundings caused by the newly created relationship. I like a person who already has a familiar stuffs that I had had. Catholic culture, or willingness to accept the culture is the only one that I limit at this point, but there could be more things going along the way. I know it is not a perfect, not an ideal, not a desired thing for a relationship, but I am the one who I am like that. I became the one.
I asked her.
How about your own life? Has it been the similar with those you think?
And she replied.
It has been. I usually did.
She said she was trying to fix the differences while she dated with me. And she pointed out that I did not try as much as she did. We were so different. I thought that it should be impossible to get married with her, because of the differences that I was never able to make a reliable solution for the long term. I thought. But she tried. She tried to do something that she might think that it would work. It did not work, not only because her idea might be wrong, but also because I did not actively follow her solution. Now she turns to 31 this year, and has one more year to graduate and get doctoral degree in economics. We became friends, but were never recovered from the suture that we made.
So, we did not make any conclusion during the short time of the dinner last night. We just turned to the other topics, such as a new young girlfriend of S, or how boring the C’s class is, or so. Then, we went to my house, took my car, and went to Staples to buy some useless small supplies to make ourselves feel escaped from the school things. I then headed to her apartment, and made her got off. She said thanks and bye, and went to her place. I drove back to my apartment with some supplies, listening to some music that I usually play when I drive in evening or late night.
In a relationship, seeing each other is a process of making our own lens and decide what we want to see. We could decide the place where we stand, direction we are going to focus, composition of the frame when we put a shutter, and so on. The object is sometimes distorted, exaggerated, or even disappeared. I do not have any guilty on it. And I do not hope that I can make the person be the one whom I had longed for since I meet anyone in any situation. I do not have an ability to do so, and I believe it is not the right thing. At this moment, the only thing I have in my mind is that, I am ready to be the one who will try to understand the person whom I will meet in any time in my life, and accept any suggestion that the person will give me to make a situation better, to more positive way.